"Past Due" Baby Update (Baby #2)

Okay, on to baby number two (if you have the will to stick it out through another lengthy update).

So, things in the adoption area have not been running so smoothly either. A few weeks ago, we got our first shocking email from the birth mother of our little girl. She has been having second thoughts and is wanting to keep the baby now. At first, we were just terribly shocked and hurt-it came out of nowhere-she is sixteen (well, I guess she just had a birthday-so seventeen)!!!! Nothing ever gave us the indication that such a young girl, with her whole life ahead of her, would want to make this terrible mistake, but alas, she is pregnant and attached to this baby (which, being pregnant myself, I have a strong understanding of right now). After the initial shock and sadness wore away, we went through an ANGRY stage where I just didn't want to discuss it, think about it-whatever. I was just mad. We had been planning and preparing for this little blessing that had been HANDED to us, now I was left to figure out "what are we to learn from this?" not to mention, what do I do with all this baby girl stuff I had been accumulating-Just maddening for a pregnant woman who is trying to nest! Then, a few days later, our attitudes were all about this little baby girl and have remained there to this day. I could not (still can't) understand why her needs are not being put first and foremost? I actually have had time to think about this a lot (and through emails, we have tried to give our two cents about all this to this young birth mom) and what it all boils down to is she doesn't realize what she will be keeping from her daughter. She doesn't understand the ramifications of NOT having a righteous, good father and the impact it can have on a little girl. I KNOW from my own experience what it is like to live WITHOUT that, but she doesn't. She has a dad. Her own mother doesn't get it either (the grandma whom I am guessing has MUCH to do with this decision to keep this baby). I actually didn't realize myself how PASSIONATE I am about adoption until now, with this happening. It has brought back a lot of ghosts from my growing up years. I didn't just have divorced parents, I had a completely ABSENT dad. One that would maybe send a birthday card (sometimes on the wrong child's birthday-I had two sisters during those years) once a year and occasional, awkward visits. Also, because of the "absent" dad, I had a mother who worked full time my entire life, and though she did an AMAZING job and provided us with many great things, I went without a lot of life experiences that she simply could not provide. I did inherit a step dad during my teen years, and that was a blessing, but it also was not the easiest. I know my life experiences helped me to be a more compassionate person and blah blah blah, but in the end, I would not wish my complicated life on anyone! This little baby-EVERY little baby- deserves (an in my opinion-needs) two loving and PRESENT parents who can provide her with EVERYTHING she needs! I'm sorry, but a teenager and her mother trying to provide the same? It's impossible. This baby is going to miss out on so many opportunities and experiences that will have a lasting effect on her life. I also think this TEENAGER is missing out on the one chance she has to completely right her wrong and rise above this heartache and set the proper example for her two younger sisters. I know the thought of a baby must sound fabulous to her-she will get attention, she will get help and encouragement, but she will always have to live with the burden and the knowledge that she can't do it all. I wish she could just have a crystal ball to foresee what is to come. This baby will not stay a baby for long. She will be a complex, thinking human being who will need SOOOOO much more than a teenage girl will be able to give and it is this child who will have to pick up the slack.
I know other teenage girls have chosen to keep their kids and maybe it hasn't always been doom and gloom. But I am simply comparing what this baby COULD have to what she will get and that is what makes it so sad to me.
So, as it stands today, we still have hope that she could change her mind and find it in her heart to remember why she considered adoption in the first place. We put the prayers out there and hope for the best. We know it is a long shot. Teenagers who don't have a lot of parental support are far less likely to choose adoption and this seems to be the case. When I was telling my mom about this, she actually enlightened me a bit. I hadn't thought of it before, but this birth mother of ours has a "sixtiesh" year old dad but her mom is still in her forties. My mom reminded me that she was about that age when she delivered my little brother. She said that it probably just seems natural to this grandma to want to step in and help raise the baby. Then my mom asked me if I wouldn't do the same thing if the situation were mine? I have thought about this and my answer is absolutely NOOOOOOO! (Let me explain and please, this is just my opinion-no hate mail for me if you don't agree):) For all the reasons I explained above and more, I have decided that if I ever had a sixteen year old daughter sit me down and explain that she were in this predicament, immediately this child's right "to choose" would be revoked. Obviously she is not capable of making such a huge life decision (that completely effects another human being's entire life) if she has already made THAT choice. No child under the age of eighteen at my house will be keeping a child and expecting help from her father and myself. As much as it would probably KILL me to have to "give away" my first born grand child to another family, it is the ONLY correct thing to do (FOR THE CHILD!!!). In my eyes, the only way to correct such a selfish wrong act is to do the complete opposite unselfish act. To right the wrong and fully repent. That is how MY daughter would HAVE to deal with this issue and there would be no further discussion (Steve and I have actually thought about drawing up some sort of contract and presenting it to her before she leaves on her first date-so this does not come as a shock- just in case). I actually KNOW with complete certainty that supporting my daughter FULL ON with going through with an adoption would greatly impact her life for the better too. I have friends who have given up their babies for adoption and my respect for them is so above and beyond, especially now, when I can see exactly HOW hard it is to go through with an adoption. It truly is a miracle! That is exactly why, if THIS baby girl adoption does not pan out for us, we will keep pursuing adoption. Hey, this baby boy of mine is going to need a sibling! I am convinced that being a part of an adoption experience would be such a blessing to our family-even though this experience has been so draining. It initially seemed so perfect too,(heck, it STILL seems perfect. All we can do is pray) that's what makes it hard.
I just think these little experiences in life, this is how we grow and isn't that why we are on this planet anyway?

Making Me Smile. . .

Lately, I will admit, school has been TOUGH for me. I am usually pretty chipper in the morning. Looking back on my life, I would call myself a "morning person" but lately, I soooooo don't want to get up and go to school! I have a hard time getting out the door and then when I GET to school, I try to avoid eye contact with people because I am in too bleak of a mood to exchange pleasantries with anyone. This is so unusual for me. I know the whole "pregnancy hormone thing" must have something to do with it, because I TRY not to be this way, but I fall flat. I also think lack of sleep plays into this, since from about 2 am to 4 am every night, I am tossing and turning with panicky thoughts of babies sleeping in dresser drawers and a house of chaos (I guess the bright side to this is I am completely prepared for late nights with newborns)!

So, I guess those are the reasons I have struggled with mornings lately. It isn't until about the time I see those sweet little kindergarten faces light up at my very presence, that my mood begins to shift and life feels normal again. By lunch, I am ready to chat with all my peeps and find myself laughing and enjoying the time that I have left here (plus, when Steve brings me food and Gatorades, that helps too)..

Recently, more and more kids have been coming up to me and asking about the "baby". It's funny because, I guess they really didn't notice "the bump" before now. They ask, "Mrs. Peterson, are you going to have a baby?" as if this is new news! They are all so interested and ask a lot of the same questions that I hear from adults, only in child like form. It is funny to hear what they are interested in when they ask about the babies. Here are some, I can remember, that made me smile:

"When are you going to EVER have that baby Mrs. Peterson?"

"WOAH! What happened to you?" (This from a kindergartner who I guess doesn't get out much. He did not realize I was "with child" until recently and then, it didn't even dawn on him that there could possibly be a BABY in there! He needed me to explain why I had gotten so fat!)

"Mrs. Peterson, is it going to be a boy or a girl?" (After I say both-they giggle like crazy with a subtle look of shock- so genuinely excited for me! Makes me excited all over again.)

"Mrs. Peterson, are you going to have the baby at school or at the doctor's?"

"Mrs. Peterson, will you bring your babies to school for show and tell?"

"What will you name the babies?" (I love asking advice on this subject since most of the students at my school are Hispanic. I get a GREAT insight into names and what's HOT for their culture right now. Some examples I can remember: Enrique for a boy and Star for a girl.)

Well, those little comments do brighten my day, but lately-niceties from so many people are making me smile, even through the hormones. A couple of weeks ago, one of my little students gave me a gift at the end of the day. It was one of those binky (pacifier) straps that you attach to the baby's clothes so they don't drop the bink. Well, of course it is used, but I thought it was so sweet. The little girl said, as she handed it to me, "This is for your new baby." Ohhhh, melt my heart:) Well, I guess some other kids saw her do this and every now and then, another sweet child will bring me in a little left over and forgotten baby item from their house to give to me for my "new baby". It has been so cute. Here is a picture of some of the items.



The one that surprised and touched me the most is that hot pink pony from Melanie. She's kind of a rough little girl and is often in trouble for "hurting" people (albeit sometimes on accident). She handed it to me one morning and I could tell this was a sacrifice for her (let's face it, the kids I teach have very little. They are poor, disadvantaged kids who get ponies like this once in a blue moon). At first, I almost wanted to decline the gift, but how GREAT is it for her to know that I will be letting my little daughter play with her pony and every time she does, I will 'think of Melanie.' Oh the look on her face when I said that to her-priceless!

And then, today (the motivation for me to finally blog a post) when one of my favorite co-workers heard me complaining about the AWFUL smells in my room (a mix of dirty, stinky feet and urine) she brought me a new Bath and Body Works plug in thingy to freshen my life! So nice. Doesn't take much to brighten my day and make me smile! I just wish I could do it AUTOMATICALLY like before! I guess the trick is to REMEMBER these little moments in life, reflect on them when I'm feeling "the burn" and count them as the great blessings that they are.

I know that things WILL get done, eventually and I WILL have everything ready. It's just taking a little more time than I would like. On the bright side, if I DO need to put my babies to sleep in a dresser drawer, at least I will be the one home to do it (and my patience is growing so much these days, I will probably enjoy it)! I know I will miss being a teacher. I will miss the kids (smells and all) and the comments and the relationships with co-workers but all in all I will be relieved to have my good ol' "morning person" self back and NOT have to go to school every single day. Until then, I will smile at the simple little things that are making this hard last stretch of the road a little bit easier and try not to panic when I think about how soon I will be a new mommy again.

CH CH CH CHanges!

Okay, Okay! I know I have been TOTALLY neglecting this blog. I feel hugely guilty about it but for some reason I am not really doing anything about it! Steve has even been on my case. We have tons of fun stuff going on and I am dropping the ball on recording it in our history. Plus, I had such grand plans for this year and my little blog and it bothers me that I am just throwing those plans out the window! I pictured a makeover, not just in overall appearance, but I was going to try to post one little blurb every day. This was my solution to the sunken Project 365 plans (the Becky Higgins project that I missed the boat on). It is a way of recording sort of the little moments in life and I was stoked to get into that frame of mind. Especially since lately I have only been blogging like MAJOR events. I am forgetting to jot down the little moments and that was one of the reasons I liked blogging in the first place. Anyway, I wanted to turn over a new leaf and do just little snippets of what either happened in the day, something funny someone said or little thoughts and pieces of conversation. I even had the first couple weeks kind of mapped out and just NEVER did it! Now I am just finding myself completely dropping the ball all together. How pathetic.

I still really want to follow through with some of my plans but once my life completely changes in April, I'm not sure WHAT I will be able to accomplish as far as the cyber world is concerned? I still have not been successful with getting my blog "published" into a family book. The website I was going to use (blurb.com) no longer works with Blogger. Bummer. I haven't had time to shop around for anything else. Is there anyone out there that has done some research in this area that knows more than me? Please share your knowledge! I also have a huge "nesting" to do list that I try to chip away at every day, but I have such little energy (um, it will be nice when that comes back) I'm not making much progress.

Here is just a little list of what I need to get done:

1. Substitute plans for the entire last month of school
2. Prep for Kindergarten Graduation
3. Prepare all "end of year" stuff for the students
4. Preschool Stuff (I think I'm going to try and do at least one session):)
5. Re-arrange my ENTIRE house, practically! We need to move the boys downstairs and set up two nurseries upstairs. This will involve refiguring storage, hanging shelves, buying furniture, painting and on and on!
6. Clean everything! Simplify! Downsize! Declutter!

Oh the list could go on and on. Those are my top priority though, besides the stuff that is usually and constatnly on the "to do" list already! I keep thinking in the back of my mind, advice from a friend "rest while you can." But I don't see how that can be possible. There is too much to do and we are running low on time.

So, my apologies to the blog world, and my husband (who I never realized enjoyed my updated posts so much) for being such a major slacker! I know I will figure it all out soon and get the ball rolling. I look forward to being "on top of things" again! Oh, I will be SO grateful when that day comes and I am optomistic that it will!

Anticipation

Yesterday at school, one of the little girls in my class asked me to help her snap up the sleeper on one of our classroom dolls. I'm not sure why, but snapping up those little buttons and looking down on that doll face just got me SOOOO excited for the times to come! I actually ended up needing to give that baby doll a squeeze before I handed it it back to my little student. I have long forgotten how much fun it is to play "mama" with dollies and baby clothes and baby blankets. It is basically human nature for us girls to want to be mothers and dress up our babies and bathe them and feed them. It is so apparent when I see my students hovering over their dolls during free play time. I wasn't the girliest of girls myself but I definitely had dolls and did my share of "mothering" as a child. Now that I am so far out of the baby loop, I am a little nervous about how I will handle two of them! It will be SEVEN years since we have had a newborn in the house by the time our babies get here! It's just like riding a bicycle though, right? I will remember everything and all will be well, but for right now, I can't help but feel just a teensy bit overwhelmed! Luckily, Steve will be home most of the summer to help. I have been lucky this way. Both our boys were summer babies too so I have always had Steve home to help with the late nights and the overall getting used to the babies. Plus, this time will be even better with two aweosme little boys to help out!
Now it is just COUNTDOWN time! I can't believe we have TWO baby tickers on our blog now. So exciting. Totally OVERWHELMING, but exciting!

MORE INCREDIBLE NEWS!!!!

So, it is about 2:40 in the morning and I just can't sleep. I want to SHOUT from the rooftops all the joy I am feeling right now-but I can't! This blog is the closest thing. So, I'm hoping, after I get this post up, I might have a slight chance of being able to get some shut eye before the new day gets here.

Well, here goes. Our family, once again, has been handed a wonderful blessing this week.

WE ARE ADOPTING!!!!!

We found out on Monday that the couple we went to meet in Salt Lake back in October has chosen us to be the parents for their baby GIRL! Yes, you read that right BABY GIRL!!!!!!!
AND YES, we are having a baby BOY too! They will actually be only one month apart. Our new baby girl will be arriving in April and our baby boy will come close after toward the end of May.

So, let's do the math here:

1 baby (in my belly)
+
1 baby (handed to us through the miracle of adoption)
___________
2 BABIES!!!!!!

I KNOW! THIS IS INCREDIBLE! Words cannot describe the feeling it is to be told that someone has chosen you to take their child into your home and raise her as your own. I have never experienced ANY feeling like it and I know I never will again. It is UNBELIEVABLE!

We have no idea why God has chosen this crazy scenario for us, but we are SOOOOO ready to take on the challenges and joys that will come with it! This is the miracle we have been praying for for five years! I can't believe I actually WILL get to be a mother to a daughter. I am still in complete shock!

There are plenty of details to this story that I'd like to document, but IT'S 3 IN THE MORNING right now. I will post some more about this later but I just HADDDDDD to spread the word! We are soooo excited!

What we've been up to lately. . .

It has been AGES since I have done a post! My camera is full of pictures, I just have been lazy as can be about getting things updated on here. Thanks to my awesome husband for doing a new post and buying me even a few more days! I actually have an appointment this morning and had to get a substitute so I am blissfully home right now with nothing better to do (well, I could be folding laundry. . .) than peek on blogs and get mine caught up! So, here's what we have been up to lately. . .behind the scenes!

Quick Trip Up North to meet with a couple about adoption. Sweetest kids EVER. What a trial they are facing. They are definitely in our prayers and we are turning this one over to the man upstairs. We will see what will be. While we were up that way, we visited with Sandi, Steve's youngest sister and her family and went out to eat for my birthday. It was a RELAXING and fun weekend and a good break away from our crazy lives. These are the only pictures I took on this trip. The boys were being so cute. We were at Cafe Rio and they had finished their meals and the adults were still talking and eating. Instead of being little pests, they cozied up together by the window and kept themselves entertained just talking and people watching I guess. I thought they looked so sweet, I snapped this picture-of course, it is blurry-Conner trying to get away before I could snap the pic). I tried to get another one (Lewis trying to keep Conner contained-love it) but the moment had passed. Oh well, these pictures will trigger the memory of their cuteness!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! I have a pretty cute mom. She and I have birthdays within days of each other. It has always been fun to have close birthdays. This year we went out to dinner at Iggy's and then went to her house for cake after. She had a great birthday, spoiled by her coworkers and husband and as I was leaving, her visiting teacher dropped off a huge bouquet of balloons AND flowers! I thought that was sooo nice! I've never gone that ALL out for my V.T. ladies! It was inspirational! Seriously. Makes me want to be better at remembering and acknowledging people's birthdays. As a side note, thanks to all my awesome friends, family, neighbors, ward members, co workers, blogging pals- SO many of you who wished me a HB too! It really is so nice! Especially as you get older and really don't want to celebrate that fact!~ Anyway. . .HAPPY BIRTHDAY to a great mom! You are the best!

CORN MAZE 2008! Laura started this tradition clear back in 2001, I think! I did not attend the first few, but we have been to as many as we have been able to. This year it was Laura and her boys and Tiffany and her family plus ours. Every year the Staheli family adds something new and fun to their farm festivities. We had fun doing the usual, playing in the corn and sliding down the slides, riding the fun little farm swings, practicing our roping skills and petting the animals. Then we loaded up on the truck and headed out to the maze. This year we made it through in record time! Of course, the highlight for me is the food. I enjoyed the corn chowder, caramel dipped apples and hot chocolate. This is a favorite fall tradition and nobody seems to tire of it!

GIRL'S WEEKEND!!!! I actually was able to break away and make it this year. Every year, a bunch of gals from high school and college days start emailing about plans for the girl's weekend! It is exciting the planning and scheming, knowing we will have some time away to relax and catch up. We have been to various places but Vegas is always a winner! This year, I could only make it for one day since Steve's high school reunion conflicted with the whole weekend plans. Luckily, another friend was in the same boat so we just rode back together and it was fun. However, I don't EVEN want to hear about all the fun that was had after we left! This year, it was all about relaxing and eating! We have learned from trips past that we really don't need to plan a whole lot. Just chilling in the hotel room or hanging out around a big noisy dinner table is all we need! We shopped at the cute new Town Square and hung out in the "V.I.P." lounge at the hotel (thanks Kenny for the sweet hook up!) after several restaurant stops- P.F. Changs, California Pizza Kitchen and Cheesecake Factory. We chatted well into the night and relaxed our little fannies off. Some might look at our "Vegas" get away as a little dull, but getting together with all these great gals is never a dull moment!

The shopping. . .

The "lounging". . .

The eating and NON STOP fun. . .

(K girlfriends, I obviously didn't get the best girls weekend photos. Please share the love through emailing all you got!)

FLAG FOOTBALL SEASON in full swing! I'm really proud of our boys this year. They are both smokin' up the fields each week. Conner is the amazing touchdown king and Lewis is a flag pulling maniac! I tried to snap some photos at Conner's last game. I could never get him when he was actually making the touch downs. One week, we were sitting right at the end zone and he came running along victoriously-it would have been the PERFECT picture! Of course, I didn't have my camera that time. Oh well, I am not worried. He is amazingly fast and I'm sure I'll get the photo op again! I really want to catch the memory of him turning to us, after he's made the touch down, and give us the thumbs up! It is awesome! I need to bring my camera to Lewis' game this week too. I don't have any pictures of him in uniform yet. They both just look so cute with their huge jerseys and those flags! Anyway, we have been getting quite a bit of football in lately. Good times!


SO. . .That is where we have been lately. Hopefully, once Halloween is over (um carnival etc.) I can get back to my regular blogging regimen!